HAPPY 20TH ANNIVERSARY TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!

In two days, I will be married to the love of my life: 20 years, 7305 days, 1043 weeks, 175,320 hours, 10,519,200 minutes, 631,152,000 seconds.

I will admit that I am a little bias….when it comes to my husband and my kids.  I know that I am constantly talking about my soulmate, and just how perfect of a man he is, and how unique our relationship is.  I know some people get tired of hearing it, our mushiness makes them want to puke.  At the end of the day our relationship doesn’t have to be that special to others, it might seem rather ordinary. But it matters because it is special to us.     

May 18^th, 1996…….the day we said I do in front of our family and friends. 20 years ago! We are officially starting our 3^rd decade together! We got married at barely 20 years old.  As always, we don’t do anything normal and things we do tend to create lots of conversations.  Lots of people thought that was way too young and created their own speculations as to why we were getting married.  Statistically, because we married so young, we should be divorced and on our 2^nd marriages. I can find more articles on why we should be divorced than articles on why we should still be married.  Believe it or not, our kids have even gotten made fun of because their parents are still married, yes this has really happened.  So with the odds statistically stacked against us, we have made it this far and it is a great feeling.

I am always talking about our relationship and our connection and about being soul mates.  Our connection is very different but at the end of the day it doesn’t mean that couples who are lucky enough to have the same type of connection have it “easy”.  It’s not always a walk in the park. Marriage takes work.  Even for us.  And sometimes even with these things it still doesn’t work out.  It seems I have read so many articles lately on why we statistically should be divorced that I began to wonder how it was we are HAPPILY beating the odds.  What makes us, as a couple successful, other than we were meant to be?  I mean, there is no one secret formula, the recipe for success is different for everyone.  So what is ours?  So in honor of being married to my love I thought I would list our secret formula. The reflection makes me very appreciative.  PS> This was done with collaboration of my husband……his two cents added in.  

1. Expectations: We started our marriage literally on the foundation of love and wanting to spend the rest of our lives with one another.  That is it!  We were young, neither of us knew what to expect, but we are also very simple people, so literally all we hoped for was just that, to spend the rest of our lives together.  We did not and still do not have unrealistic expectations or false hopes of what marriage should be.
2. Acceptance:  We accept each other for who we are!  Simple statement, but big meaning.  We do not ask or demand one another to change to suit our own needs.  And this goes hand in hand with #1…..We do not expect nor ask the other to be someone they are not.
3. Respect: We respect each other on every level.  Enough said.
4. Team Work: We work at a team.  When I say we are not traditional, it’s a true statement.  There is not gender specific roles in our house……..not the traditional idealism of who should be what in a family.  We both work, we both cook, we both clean (YES! We clean the house as a team, with the house work divided up every single week!), we both will take out the trash, mow the lawn, or do laundry, we both balance the checkbook and pay bills and work out a budget, and most importantly we both take care of and parent our children.  And we take care of each other.
5.  One is not greater than the other – This goes hand in hand with #4.  We are equals in our marriage, in our relationship and in our home.  One person is not better than the other in any sense of the word.
6.  Communication: Believe it or not we rarely fight, and we DO NOT go to bed angry at each other.  We believe in open communication, and working through problems.  We do not place blame on each other.  We listen and attempt to understand the others point of view, sometimes even if this means discussing for several hours to get on the same page.
7. Believe/Support:  We believe in ourselves and each other.  We help each other achieve personal and marriage goals. We have grown up together, virtually.  People change and grow over the years.  It is human nature.  We believe in supporting each other through every change life brings us, even if we might not have the same opinion.
8. We accept each other for who we are! - Yes, this is on here twice.  It might even make it a 3^rd.  Why?  Because it’s important.
9. Schedules: We get up at the same time and we go to bed at the same time. We enjoy our time together.   We lead very busy lives.  Even when we first got married, we literally worked opposite schedules.  Then kids happened.  We get very little time alone, so throughout the years, beginning day one of marriage, we discovered that getting up together and going to bed together gives us precious time that we wouldn’t necessarily get otherwise.  Over the years the time has evolved.  When we got married that was the only time our schedules literally allowed us to spend time together.  Now with kids, this is when we take “us” time, and focus on “us” and some days when we are going opposite directions, this will also be the only time we see each other. 
10. I love you:  We never end a conversation without saying I love you, even if this means we say it a thousand times a day, it is always said.  It’s important to us, because life is too precious.  We always want one another to know we love them. No matter what.

 We are not perfect, nor is our marriage.  But we are perfect for each other, and we have created a life that is perfect for us.  At the end of the day it doesn’t matter to us how old we were when we got married.  It doesn’t matter that statistics say we should be divorced.   What matters is we love each other for who we are!  We will continue to do so, forever and a day!